The Truth About Me
Hey You,
You ever have those bad mornings where you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you feel cranky and annoyed, then it seems like nothing in the world is going correctly? I'm literally having one of those days today. Where everyone and every little things seems to bother me. Where outside is a beautiful day yet, to me, it's too bright and sunny.
Lately, I've been drowning in my own thoughts. It's always better and easier for me to seem positive and act as if everything is okay, when deep down it really isn't. I can be the person who you come to for life advice and motivation yet, I'm a hypocrite when it comes to my own words. I don't do as I say and I don't follow through.
Did you know it's actually really hard for me to stay slim? I'd work out for a few weeks then end up right back where I started. I always seem to have an excuse for something as my negative thoughts start to cloud my judgment. I don't really eat healthy all the time. In fact, I hate eating. I could literally live off of just chips, crackers, cereal, and ham-cheese sandwiches. There are times throughout the year where I'd tell myself, "Okay, this is it. Time for a change. I'm going to get abs and eat clean." I'll meal prep and be all boosted up then a few weeks later, I'm bored of the same routine and boring food. I don't even know the proper way to work out and get fit. I just do whatever I see on BodyBuilding.com in the programs, then try to follow them. I don't even know if my body is building muscle, gaining fat, or what. Why? I don't care enough for it to actually try hard enough for my goal. Yet, I sit here complaining and whining that I'm fat and out of shape. Gee, I wonder why Rosanna. I always see fitness people talk about counting "macros". I do it. In my own way that is. I'm simple. I eat the same foods, cook the same meals, and do the same thing. I hate wasting time.
Have you ever done the math? About how much time you'd actually have in day? So I work for 12 hours a day. In the morning I spend an hour getting ready and at night I spend another hour preparing for bed. It takes a total of one hour for me to go to work and head back home. I then sleep typically for approximately six hours. If there's 24 hours in a day, that leaves me at 21 hours with only three hours left to myself.
I could be really motivated and inspiring, but I'm actually lazy. I keep thinking "Why am I even doing all this for?" and "What's the use of all this work?". I know this thinking is super wrong and goes against what I say because I always say do it for yourself. I hate folding laundry. I will literally wash my clothes and leave them in a basket. Better yet, in the dryer until the next week when I have to wash clothes then realize I have clothes in there. You know what's worse? I'm a clean freak lmao. Like, does this even make sense? I hate a messy home. I like everything to be organized
It's funny, I'm super contradicting. I hate to be alone at home. Yet, I always feel like I have no time for myself and want alone time to study or do things- read a book, record a video, watch a movie, clean the house. I'm literally one of those people in the world who wants so many things yet, I'm not willing to do anything about it.
There's many times where I'll get super motivated and read self-help books to change my life for the better. I'll start watching podcasts and even motivational videos to boost up my energy. Then there'd be days where I literally think they don't even help and I'd rather come home, take a shower, eat, watch a Netflix series, then go to sleep.
*sigh* Maybe it's time I change.
Sincerely,
Me
You ever have those bad mornings where you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you feel cranky and annoyed, then it seems like nothing in the world is going correctly? I'm literally having one of those days today. Where everyone and every little things seems to bother me. Where outside is a beautiful day yet, to me, it's too bright and sunny.
Lately, I've been drowning in my own thoughts. It's always better and easier for me to seem positive and act as if everything is okay, when deep down it really isn't. I can be the person who you come to for life advice and motivation yet, I'm a hypocrite when it comes to my own words. I don't do as I say and I don't follow through.
Did you know it's actually really hard for me to stay slim? I'd work out for a few weeks then end up right back where I started. I always seem to have an excuse for something as my negative thoughts start to cloud my judgment. I don't really eat healthy all the time. In fact, I hate eating. I could literally live off of just chips, crackers, cereal, and ham-cheese sandwiches. There are times throughout the year where I'd tell myself, "Okay, this is it. Time for a change. I'm going to get abs and eat clean." I'll meal prep and be all boosted up then a few weeks later, I'm bored of the same routine and boring food. I don't even know the proper way to work out and get fit. I just do whatever I see on BodyBuilding.com in the programs, then try to follow them. I don't even know if my body is building muscle, gaining fat, or what. Why? I don't care enough for it to actually try hard enough for my goal. Yet, I sit here complaining and whining that I'm fat and out of shape. Gee, I wonder why Rosanna. I always see fitness people talk about counting "macros". I do it. In my own way that is. I'm simple. I eat the same foods, cook the same meals, and do the same thing. I hate wasting time.
Have you ever done the math? About how much time you'd actually have in day? So I work for 12 hours a day. In the morning I spend an hour getting ready and at night I spend another hour preparing for bed. It takes a total of one hour for me to go to work and head back home. I then sleep typically for approximately six hours. If there's 24 hours in a day, that leaves me at 21 hours with only three hours left to myself.
I could be really motivated and inspiring, but I'm actually lazy. I keep thinking "Why am I even doing all this for?" and "What's the use of all this work?". I know this thinking is super wrong and goes against what I say because I always say do it for yourself. I hate folding laundry. I will literally wash my clothes and leave them in a basket. Better yet, in the dryer until the next week when I have to wash clothes then realize I have clothes in there. You know what's worse? I'm a clean freak lmao. Like, does this even make sense? I hate a messy home. I like everything to be organized
It's funny, I'm super contradicting. I hate to be alone at home. Yet, I always feel like I have no time for myself and want alone time to study or do things- read a book, record a video, watch a movie, clean the house. I'm literally one of those people in the world who wants so many things yet, I'm not willing to do anything about it.
There's many times where I'll get super motivated and read self-help books to change my life for the better. I'll start watching podcasts and even motivational videos to boost up my energy. Then there'd be days where I literally think they don't even help and I'd rather come home, take a shower, eat, watch a Netflix series, then go to sleep.
*sigh* Maybe it's time I change.
Sincerely,
Me
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